10/10/14 Grant Shapps – Who gave you my email address?

Grant, lovely though it was to receive your email today, I can only wonder how on earth you got my 2 week old email address.

Thanks for the side splitting, though overused joke, ‘When you go to bed with Nigel Farage, you wake up with Ed Miliband.’

please, no stop…no, really, stop.

Given the recent local elections though, it would appear if you go to bed with Nigel Farage, that’s the very man you’re going to wake up with…

Although I’m sure I can sue you for putting an image of a horrible threesome in my mind…

Thanks for the invitation to join your volunteer network ‘Team2015’ but you’ll excuse me for being cautious about, er, getting into bed with you…especially given your recent fallout with Mr Wreckage, er, Carnage, Bump, who had the audacity to take one step to the right to join the Poundland party.

I was amazed to see how quickly your view of him changed so quickly, before he could say, ‘Don’t mind if I do, Nige,’ he’d become an abuser and a liar.

My fear is that our fallout would be far more acrimonious.

You see, I’m not terribly sure if I believe you when you tell me you’ve created 1.8 million jobs – unless of course you’re counting the 1.4 million zero hour contracts I’ve read about,

or maybe the huge surge to 4.6 million in impoverished self employed folk

Or perhaps your referring to the huge swathe of folk on workfare who are cutting back on the unemployment statistics – take a look here for example

Or maybe you remove folk from the statistics when you sanction them?

Oh, it’s all so confusing.

Just like when you say you’ve cut the deficit by a third – how can that be when the gross debt as a percentage of gross domestic product (gdp) has grown from just over 50 percent under the crazy, spendthrift Labour Party, to approximately 90 percent under your

careful austerity measures

But hey, what do I know, I’m just a simple minded soul.

I’m afraid our differences might be a little more ingrained though…

I’m not the biggest fan of your party’s 4 year attack on the poor of the UK. The same people who have miraculously become the reason for the financial collapse – even when it’s universally agreed that benefit fraud accounts for only 0.3% of the welfare budget.

Did it really have nothing to do with the £1.162 trillion bailout of the banks?

But hey, facts schmacts, we’re all in this together, so it’s only fair those benefit scroungers should take a hit…

Like the bedroom tax…sorry, the spare room, we haven’t got anywhere smaller to move to subsidy;

Like the benefit cap to prevent an increase in the fictitious/ Daily Mail folk receiving more money from the state than hard working tax payers…

Oh, but isn’t it 64% of all families who receive some manner of welfare if we take tax credits into account?

But you’re there for people who want to work – like the 1300 folk with disabilities who were set free to find work elsewhere when Remploy was shut down

But it’s important for people to know that arbeit mach frei by doing away with crisis fund grants, then loans for people with nothing…

You wouldn’t want to give people with nothing something, er, for that nothing..?

You’ve done away with the independent living fund – a fund that was set up to support folk with disabilities to live life in the mainstream – including support to remain in work.

You even changed the law when you lost the case to keep it running in the law courts.

No worries – you’ve made the benefits system more simple with universal credit. Good old Iain Duncan Smith – his passion, his vision of fairness, honesty and clarity is surely a standard to which we must all strive…

Waiting 10 months for a personal independence payment interview seems perfectly reasonable to me

And could you tell me what it meant to have the whole universal credit thing ‘reset’?

I found it thrilling to watch as the delays in getting it going went from Amber to red to er, reset. I’ve heard cynics say that the whole thing was a big cover up…covering up the fact that there wasn’t a level of failure after ‘Red’?

I appreciate that you’ve recognised, although I’m a man with a severe and enduring mental health problem, I could still have something to offer your party.

I’m smiling as I think of the honour of being a member of team 2015…do I get a tee shirt?

It’s been great to watch your government talk to us about ‘parity of esteem’ of mental health services with those provided for people with physical health problems.

It’s been an honour to watch the share of the NHS budget soar, no, sorry, plummet to 13% while 6000 of our fellow Brits take their own lives each year – an increase of 1000 per annum since austerity began.

You sly old foxes, you’d do anything to keep that pesky old unemployment level from rising, wouldn’t you?

This is where I get confused again – could you help me with this equation –

57 deaths in the UK due to terrorism since the year 2000 + no new evidence = a raised threat level


70 thousand suicides since 2000, has meant that mental health services have been cut to the bone?

I am a dizzy fellow, I’m sure you could help me out with this…

This is where the political world really gets my head spinning – when we were told before the last election that there would be no tuition fees for those young folk going to university, you actually meant, ‘That’ll be £9000 a year, guv’?

One of the other quandaries I’ve had over the past 4 years is your angle on the increase in food banks.

I’ve been told that just under 1 million people used them last year – that’s not because of poverty, austerity or benefit sanctions but because they’re choosing to use them?

But we’re all in this together…that’s where I get really cuffudled – the UK national debt is rising so you cut taxes?

This means you’re rewarding hard working Brits…

But these ‘good’ Brits are also ‘bad’ because only 1 in 8 of the people in receipt of housing benefit are unemployed…which means that most of the £23 billion housing benefit a year goes to the strivers, who are also

And doesn’t this money go to landlords anyway? The same landlords who’ve been increasing rent at over 2% a year in a distinctly ‘we’re not all in this together’ stylie.

Oooh, look, Esther McVey’s writing to me too, (15/10/14) telling me again about those plummeting unemployment figures, how did she…?

On that, ‘We’re all in this together,’ topic, I was wondering if, as a member of Team 2015, I’d be getting a slice of that well earned 10% pay rise that’ll be landing in a bank account near you very soon? Or would I be able to claim some of those £30 thousand (MP rough average) in expenses that somehow don’t get defined as income?

Thanks again for taking the time write to me.

I was rather hoping to hear from that lovely Miliband fellow, but I guess he must have forgotten

Now, where do I sign?

Lots of love


Walk a Mile


Email from Grant Shapps

Last night proved a simple truth: while UKIP say they take votes from all parties, they cost the Conservative Party seats.

That means a vote for UKIP puts Labour closer to winning the election and Ed Miliband closer to Number 10.

When you go to bed with Nigel Farage, you wake up with Ed Miliband.

And that would mean higher immigration, no in/out referendum on the EU, and no economic plan for Britain’s future.

If, like me, you’re determined to stop that happening, join Team2015, our volunteer network, today:

The next election is the most important in a generation. It is a serious choice because so much is at stake.

In just 4 years, we’ve created 1.8 million jobs, cut the deficit by over a third and Britain now has the fastest growing of any major advanced economy.

We can continue on that path and secure a better future for people across Britain – or risk it all with a vote for Labour, the Lib Dems or UKIP.

Let’s secure that better future. Please join Team2015 today – or donate £20 towards our campaign.


Grant Shapps
Conservative Party Chairman

PS 30,000 people have already signed up to Team2015. I hope you’ll decide to join them today.

If you are having trouble reading this email, open it in your web browser

To opt out of messages from David Cameron and the Conservatives, send a blank message to this address

Promoted by Alan Mabbutt on behalf of the Conservative Party, both at 4 Matthew Parker Street, London, SW1H 9HQ

This entry was posted in economy, government, hospitality, inequality, kindness, mental health, social work, walking, war and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to 10/10/14 Grant Shapps – Who gave you my email address?

  1. Lily Edenflower says:

    Good to see you back on form Chris.

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